embarrass yourself, idc

embarrassment + exposure therapy

me post-rejection

I can confidently say that I am 1) very chalant and 2) not mysterious in any stretch of the imagination.

Why? Well, for starters, I am terrible at keeping secrets. While secrets with other people are always safe with me, my own are another story. From applications for stuff, to surprises that I want to keep, or just things I’m excited about, no secret of mine is truly off the record.

Naturally, it can feel like my failures are on display when, say, I don’t get a job, a club acceptance, or anything else that makes it feel like the Day of Judgement has arrived when I open my inbox.

This is a lesson I’m still trying to truly adopt. In the process, I’ve realized that embarrassment might possibly be the least helpful emotion there is. The solution? Embarrass yourself more.

This is not a suggestion to do silly or insensitive things fOr tHe pLoT, but rather to prioritize enjoying the process rather than acing it perfectly.

Recently, I auditioned for a dance team in absence of formal experience. I was definitely stressed the day of my audition, trying to keep it a secret as much as I could. As I described to my friend, my jaw was tingling (“what?” she said), listened to the song on repeat the whole day, and watched the practice video dozens of times.

Long story short, my audition wasn’t the best, but I still did it. It was something that I committed to. It was something I practiced for, and I can confidently say that I tried my hardest; while that effort didn’t materialize in the exact way I wanted, I honestly let preemptive embarrassment get ahead of me. You know what I mean: the “what am I doing here”’s, the “I need to move to another country after this”.

I did the same two years ago for another team. While that experience was ridden with further angst and frustration, this time, I let myself do it. If there was any regret I had from it, it was trying to keep a secret in the first place; it was viewing it as an insurmountable obstacle that people would judge me for trekking.

In reality, nobody cares. Yes, you likely do about your rejection (lol). But, if you truly care about the opportunity you pursued, you will eventually find something that fulfills the same underlying objective.

If you want to dance, you’ll find a class. If you want to write, you’ll write somewhere. If you want to act, you’ll sign up for any casting that’s open. You will inevitably experience embarrassing moments along the way, but unless you’ve egregiously offended someone, there’s probably nothing to be self-conscious about.

I implore you that if there’s something that you’re constantly holding yourself back from in fear of you being embarrassing, realize that the worst that could happen is that you feel embarrassed. And here is the exclusive case where I proudly say:

Facts don’t care about your feelings. Do it anyways.